It’s been over 3 weeks since I tapped on this little app - I needed to take some time to write with minimal voices in my head.
With the help of my mom and a dear friend, the kids were away for days while I scribbled away about the challenges and lessons we’ve learned over the years in holding our children’s hearts, and in the evenings Dan and I enjoyed long talks and binge watching Downton. 😁🇬🇧 .
Often I would think of so many of you and the impact you’ve made on my life - even many of you whom I’ve yet to meet face to face. (Holding my focus was quite the battle as I sat to write). Funny how an app can connect the world.
I’m looking forward to hearing your hearts once again, and to sharing what has been stirring in mine in regards to keeping our children’s hearts. Boundaries, intentional living, nurturing their hearts, heartfelt discipline. . {If any of you can make it to the Teach Them Diligently conferences this year, I’d love to see you. I’ll be speaking in Rogers, Waco, and Denver. Link in profile to register}. and oh the contrast between what I wear at home and what Willow wears .. 😆
I’ve been scribbling out the important aspects of keeping our children’s hearts as I prepare to speak this Spring: time with each child, healthy boundaries and heartfelt discipline for the different ages, teaching them the ways of God, filling them with inspiring stories and that which is beautiful, and also pondering mistakes we’ve made and what we’re still learning. {May we always be learning}
I’m eager to share here on the practical aspects of these things and on my blog, (as well as finishing a letter to new homeschoolers), but I’m realizing I’ll be battling mid-level anxiety continually if I don’t take time off to prepare and practice these speeches first. 😬😁 So, I’m signing off here for 2-3 weeks and look forward to reconnecting with you.
And I’ll say it again.. I so appreciate prayers. I never would have pursued this on my own, but God has made it clear that this invitation is something for me to embrace, heart and soul. So here I go... 😁💛🙏
We just returned from days down in southeast Texas, on my aunt’s and cousin’s land - what has always been heaven-kissing-earth to me. A much needed, refreshing get-away. We soaked up every minute with our family down there and our hearts ached to leave them.
This tranquil place was my only exposure to country life as I was growing up, and largely the reason that I decided (at age 4) that I would someday live in the country. I repeatedly told Mom that I too would have a long gravel driveway. And 26 years later, Dan and I moved 100 miles from all we knew and I did get that driveway that crackles to greet us. .
As a teen I wrote poetry about this place that I couldn’t return to often enough. The forest to explore, pines mirrored in their lake, my aunt’s unconditional love and contagious joy, my uncle in his garden, the roar of the 4 wheelers.. it has always been a refuge for me, and what I daydreamed of in those endless hours in classrooms. ✨
Nothing could be sweeter than sharing it with my children so we get down there as often as possible. (Hurray for the flexibility in home education) 🙌What is your place that feels like heaven invading earth?
“The key to a kinder and gentler homeschool is attending to the details we overlook – the coziness of our homes, the principles of natural learning, and the tenderness of our intimate relationships.” //Julie Bogart ✨
One of my biggest surprises in life has been just how much I would enjoy learning with them. There were seasons in which it did seem burdensome, but those were times in which I focused on racing through a curriculum more than our relationships and experience in learning. I’ve learned to value playful learning as much as math lessons and writing. .
We’re playing Michaelangelo over here and drawing on the ‘ceiling.’ Catching up on some projects today, and through all the laughter I’m reminded of how memorable these things are that I once considered unnecessary. .
We don’t make time for every hands-on project our curriculum suggests, but I prioritize all that we reasonably can, because it’s through the use of salt dough maps that geography can come to life, and we still talk about the time we created a little Greek feast (courageously trying artichoke and dates as well as grapes and breads) while cloaked in draped sheets -Caesar style. We will not likely forget our study of Michaelangelo between the Reese’s peanut butter cups and jokes under the table about their drawings that are permanently left there. 😄 What is something memorable your crew has done that will help them remember what they’ve learned and warm their heart for years to come? #thekindkingdom #thepeacefulpress
{trying not to erupt into laughter as we were being goofballs} 😄
God continually calmed me over the years when I didn’t feel like I knew what I was doing as a home educator; I felt I wasn’t enough to educate this crazy intelligent kid, so eager to learn.
And you know what, I wasn’t enough to shape and feed that marvelous soul, BUT God was. He took my willingness to love and train and teach, and even though I messed up and missed it plenty of times (still do), God loved and educated Gavin through Dan and me, and apart from us as well. God even provided experiences that would enrich him when we weren’t looking for them, and blew us away with unexpected opportunities. .
This past week, while the kids were away so I could write, Gavin and I had our meals and breaks together by the fire. It’s a delight to hear his future ambitions, share our struggles, and laugh. I can be so serious, but he always has me laughing.
A young man, imperfect, but who often jumps to empty the dishwasher, surprises his sister with her favorite Starbucks drink, dreams of improving artificial intelligence so that prosthetic limbs could be further advanced, eager to conquer everything computer science and halfway to his bachelor’s degree, loves patiently and prefers deep conversation. .
Yet there were so many times that I struggled to get him to follow through on his chores or be kind to his little brother, or punctuate his sentences (at 15 😬). Once I even made him drive back home as he left without making his bed. 😆 I would often lay awake worrying about his level of responsibility and the various ways I felt I was failing as a mom. .
Mamas... our seemingly endless love and training and educating matter so much more than we get to taste in the present. It’s a powerful investment into a forever soul. ✨
God takes it – our imperfect effort, our willingness - and He works the miracle.
We can rest knowing that. ✨ 📷: @marykaitlinartistry
Wow, thank you friends, for the flood of heartfelt words regarding irresponsibility and children, as well as our takeover day at @teachdiligently . (I will be posting the videos and info of our daily rhythm on my Story Highlights soon so it will be permanently available). .
It’s become clear, especially in light of the recent Golden Globes, that, “Children have become a calculated cost, a measurable investment weighed against the more alluring investments of entertainment, pleasure, money, and career. Increasingly, they are viewed as the lesser end of the bargain.” //Sarah Clarkson, Caught Up In a Story .
I remember God waking me up with it one morning many years ago, “Am I going to give you a child that I don’t want you to have?” I learned there is more to God opening and closing a womb than I gave Him credit for. While we were desperately begging Him for a 4th child, this house was a small 2 bedroom, 1 bath. Now, there have been many a pioneer woman to raise 12 in less space, but God knows what will break us, and I was often on the verge of breakdown as it was. It just so happened that Willow didn’t arrive until Dan was able to build on to our house, and just weeks after we were able to move into the new space. We had hoped to have more babies since, and this waiting can be excruciating, especially as Willow has obsessively talked about a baby sister for years, and confidently tells us, (since she was 2), that she is coming. My trust is growing in His timing and wisdom, and though at times it can feel like waiting on God’s timing is destroying me, it is actually growing me - just as the waiting doesn’t diminish a pregnant mama, but grows her. .
When we wait on God - when there’s that pain of letting go of our own ideas of what should be - God is birthing something new within us. We are enlarged in the waiting, and I’m convinced of this: He is there in the waiting with us - wildly loving us, infusing us with strength and courage and something fresh and new that He knows we need. . 📷: @marykaitlinartistry
Though I was blissfully in love with Gavin and my role as a new mama, there was a heavy weight I carried in those early years of parenting. We had been married for 6 months, and in the middle of college when I found out I was pregnant. Folks very close to us labeled us as irresponsible. I had always been a people-pleasing ‘good’ girl and now carried this weight of shame. I loved my role as wife and mama, but I let this weight choke my joy and I put off having another child for several years because of it, I’m sad to say. And after we had our 3rd child, Dan did the ‘responsible’ thing and got a vasectomy. Something stirred inside me and I cried for days. He was devastated. .
A year later Dan was able to get a reversal, but my fertility in my 30s was a different story than it was in my 20s. It was after years of longing and prayers that our precious Willow was born. .
Moms of many kids, or moms of a child who (heaven forbid) came before a degree or career, I want you to know this: you are not irresponsible. Saying yes to life is the most beautiful thing you can do. I know life may seem to be swirling around you with many littles underfoot, and you may feel dizzy at times, but it is for just a time and you will see the beauty of this life as they grow, if you can’t taste its sweetness already. .
Fertility is a gift, not to be ashamed of. Children are a gift, and as such come with the grace you need to raise each, and the provision. .
A path of no regret. As my favorite poem (by Christianna Reed Maas) states, you have yielded yourself to heaven and carry its dream. You, as a mother, are the opposition to death. You birth the freedom fighters, with the anointing to alter history. Heaven stands in honor of your mission. No one else can carry your call.
Join us today over at @teachdiligently in the Stories as I take you along on our ‘typical’ homeschool day! We have a daily rhythm that has worked well for several years. (I share details on the curriculum we use and how we tackle chores as well). There are days that we abandon the routine to chase after something that intrigues us or to play the day away outside when we need a change, but this rhythm is our default, and it’s been a life-giving one. . {also, does anyone else’s child go through multiple outfits a day, including swimsuits in winter?! Just curious.. } 😆 .
And, just a reminder that I’ll be speaking on keeping our children’s and teen’s hearts, as well as living an intentional life (creating your unique family culture) at the Rogers, Waco, and Denver conferences. Use the link in my profile to register and the code Brandi for $10 off.
I’ve seen a couple articles floating around on the importance of getting kids to church as much as possible. While I feel that it is important to have a church family, I think that we are misguided if we think this will be enough to disciple our children. Young adults who have grown up in the church are abandoning their faith left and right. There’s something missing. .
Children’s pastors and youth pastors were never meant to replace the powerful role that God intended for the parents. It’s vital that we, (honestly, humbly, and imperfectly) read the word of God in our homes and share about having a relationship with the Lord. How beautiful it is when our kids hear from us what God has done in our lives and is doing. It’s ok to share what we don’t know and what we’re still learning. An example of hunger and seeking God will influence them. .
It requires time and heart, but this changes everything and the results will echo into eternity. . 📷: @marykaitlinartistry
History reading out in the playhouse as the rain pours. 🌧. We love the thought of experiencing the storms as the pioneers would have, and so often are drawn out here. Now they’re swinging and dancing around in the rain, increasingly muddy and filthy and soaked and deliriously happy. .
This was the first week back to our regular school rhythm and oh, how I love this life. It’s messy, often exhausting, sometimes I desperately want more time to myself, and I’ve learned about the only way I can get Quinn to really focus on his math is to award him with a Wild Kratts show later that day, 😬 but to be the one to witness the pure joy of their childhood together - to see them in the rain now, to watch over their hearts, to encourage them when they’re down, to learn fascinating things alongside my kids, (did you know that Leonardo’s infamous painting of Jesus at the last supper was painted in a monks’ dining hall and created to look like they were right there with them? The table, dishes, and tablecloth matched the ones the monks had!), to share in books that inspire us to be all we were created to be, and to kiss and squeeze them anytime I want.. I’m deeply thankful I get to do this. .
I wish I could go back and assure my extremely anxious teenage heart that there was a reason I didn’t fit into any of the career molds. God had a different path, and it wouldn’t pay much or give me any trophies, but it would be a richer life than I could imagine.
Mama and I had a rocky relationship as I was growing up, but she told me she loved me and was proud of me often. She came from a cold, abusive background and did the best she knew how. I held on tight to those words.
It became a habit in my own parenting... one that often helped to soothe us both especially after I gave in to frustration. Influenced heavily by Sally Clarkson, it grew from there to more authentic spontaneity. . “Being your mama is my great joy.”
“I saw how you took the initiative to load the dishes and clean the kitchen. That helps us out tremendously. Thank you.”
“I know it was hard, but you bit your lip and controlled your frustration when your brother said that. You are growing in patience. I’m proud of you.” “There’s nothing you could do to make me love you less.”
“You are so much fun. I love hanging out with you.” .
There have been times (and still are) that I correct and direct a thousand times more than I speak encouragement or simply visit with them. But, as with all good habits, as we practice and lean into the Lord, it becomes a part of who we are. When I don’t know what to say, I ask God what He sees when He looks at my child. How special it is, to begin it by saying to one of them, “Do you know what God thinks when He sees you?” . 📷: @marykaitlinartistry
A little detour from my usual parenting/home educating thoughts, but I had to share some of our sunshine. Willow (4) is endless entertainment around here. Fiercely affectionate and oh so verbal. For example: . “Mom, can you braid my hair in English this time?”
She calls jean pockets, “bum buckets.”
Upon seeing a house that had burned down: “awww, that’s so sad that it was fired.”
After Dan shaved Quinn’s head, “Daddy mowed your hair!”
When Quinn threw up, she ran to me, crying because “Quinn blew up!”
She gave me a slap on the rear end, and then said, “Mom, when I wack your bottom I see God!”
When she sneezed and tooted, “I blessed and I tooted.” Upon running outside and quickly running back in, “It’s colder than legs out there!” {a big thanks to Ellie for taking the initiative to record all of these} 😂
One of our teens recently brought it to our attention that they were disappointed that we hadn’t been pursuing their hearts lately, taking one-on-one time to be with them. It’s easy to believe that when we’re all spending so much time together doing all the holiday things, that it’s enough. It hurt my heart to hear it, but then came gratitude. Gratitude that though it’s common today for peers to replace parents as those who matter most, it does not have to be that way. We can create a family culture with boundaries and rhythms in place that strengthen the parent/child or teen bond. Good friends are a part of their lives, but not their lives. ✨
There is a knock-down-drag-out battle going on for our children’s hearts, and yes, it takes us putting away distractions and taking time and energy to pursue each of them - loving and hearing them - and this is so hard for me sometimes, but we’ll look back on it as the wisest thing we ever did. ✨
This book. Truly an eye-opening must read. “ The relationship between child and parent is sacred. Faced with the challenge of the peer culture, we need to keep our children’s attachments to us strong and to make these attachments last for as long as our children need to be parented. But how to achieve it? No matter what problem or issue we face in parenting, our relationship with our children should be the highest priority. Children do not experience our intentions, no matter how heartfelt. They experience what we manifest in tone and behavior. We cannot assume that children will know what our priorities are: We must live our priorities.” Gordon Neufeld/Hold On to Your Kids
{and I never ask this, but please tag any friends in the comments so they too can read this book) 😘
One last discussion by the light of the tree, then it’s bonfire time! Today we’re celebrating the answered prayers and open doors of 2019, hard lessons learned, and what areas we each want to grow in this year. ✨
We all agreed we want to lean in closer - for our heart to be trained to listen better as God speaks. And we discussed the importance of growing in humility, (how we all need this) so that our default is not to criticize or place blame, but rather compassion, and an awareness of our own spiritual need. ✨
Happy New Year, friends! 🎊 I’m so very thankful for each of you. May you feel God’s infinite love for you in a fresh way this year, and live with contagious joy. {and check out my stories for a glimpse into the kids movie-making 😍🎥 }
How good it is to pay attention to when you’re depleted and plan accordingly. These slow and savory days between Christmas and New Year’s Day may be my favorite. I’m in no hurry to make grand plans for the new year or pack away Christmas; we’re still basking in the glow of the lights and reminiscing over our celebrations. After days of hosting Christmas and the kids’ heavy involvement in our church’s Christmas production, I’ve come to see it as a time to rest and recover, to give myself the permission to exhale (not natural for me)!, and my kids as well. ✨
We stay home with no agenda, continue feasting on Christmas leftovers (no cooking 🙌), keep the fire and candles burning, the kids enjoy their new things and make silly films, we catch up on a few shows, I cuddle with my Willow, take more time to read, and listen in on their play (Quinn, Ellie, and Willow played together with her Calico Critters schoolhouse and camper for days). 😍 Gavin edited a film project, but emerged frequently to get his Willow fix and update us on his progress.
I honestly walk around in a bit of a daze, but it’s a healing, restoring sort of daze. 😆 ✨
What about you? Do you need time to relax as well after Christmas or do you conquer the Christmas clean up right away and get on with your New Year’s goals?
Thank you so much sweet friends, for the flood of encouragement and support regarding my speaking engagements coming up at the Teach Them Diligently conferences. I’ve been scribbling away all that’s on my heart as I prepare to teach two workshops. One teaching is on the key factors to keeping our children’s hearts (there’s so much to be said on this, but I’m increasingly convinced that one on one time is vital), and the other workshop is about creating an intentional family culture - free from hurry. ✨
If you’re interested in the Waco or Rogers, Arkansas conferences, grab your tickets before the price increase New Year’s Day! I appreciate you using the link in my profile as this helps cover costs. Keep in mind these conferences are open to fathers and mothers, and there are even classes for kids if you want to bring the whole family!
I’m also speaking at the Denver conference at the end of May. Would love to see y’all there! . 📷: @marykaitlinartistry
I felt the pull to share our Christmas online as it was happening, but sometimes the greatest gift is our fully alive presence - free from distractions.
I thought of it often this week as our house was full of family; the kids won’t likely remember many of the gifts we gave them, but they’ll remember how we gathered around the table for feasts and silly games, the often hysterical BINGO prizes Granny collected from Goodwill, how excited Poppy always is to skeet shoot, and *hopefully* the traditions that add meaning to it all. ✨ {the girls served us mistletoe salad in the playhouse and swipe to see how Ellie has become quite the gingerbread decorating competitor} 🍭
Moviemaking days with dear friends 🎥❤️ Now Willow is old enough to cooperate and act in their films, and the footage is priceless to me. 😍😁 As I’ve been observing them work together on these projects, I’ve been thinking of how important it is that our kids are being trained with the strength of inner flexibility, with the ability to listen and work well with others, to wait, to put others first, and to be assertive when necessary. What a beautiful thing to see, and a strong foundation for life. ✨ “Many parents have bought into the belief that if we give our young children a lot of freedom and myriad choices they will develop strength of character and willpower. Many are even wary of presenting themselves as authority figures within their own family: They worry they will squash the will of their child by introducing boundaries and providing direction. However, there is a significant difference between a malevolent dictator, who forcefully bends others to his or her will and a benevolent governor, who acts out of caring to bring safety and come to the family state. .
Limits and boundaries instill feelings of safety, trust, and, above all, orientation in your child. Compliance to parent’s direction further solidifies your child’s orientation. The compliance I refer to here is very different from the “blind obedience” many children experienced growing up in the fifties and sixties. Your child must not be forced to accept an edict from a rigid, overpowering authority. Soulful disciplinary compliance is firm yet loving. Furthermore, it is vital to a child’s social and emotional health. In learning to comply, a child accepts his or her parents’ warm but unwavering direction and develops inner flexibility.” //Kim John Payne, The Soul of Discipline
Sitting down with my precious ones over a slow breakfast, with bed head and blurry eyes and scripture reading and times of sibling ugliness and heart training and encouragement and laughter. It’s been the start of my days for most of 18 years, and I feel it almost daily as I drowsily sit at the head of the table with coffee and Bible - I’m deeply grateful we get to do this. .
The question I’ve received the most lately is from mamas who are interested in home education, and are asking about curriculum. But I think there’s a danger in starting there. If you first educate yourself on how children learn, and ways to nurture a life-giving education, you will prevent much frustration and the temptation to constantly jump from one curriculum to the next. Though it is a help, a curriculum doesn’t contain all the answers and direction you need. .
Books like A Charlotte Mason Companion, Teaching From Rest, The Life Giving Home, Simplicity Parenting and The Soul of Discipline (because homeschooling is as much about parenting as it is educating) lay a strong foundation that will then give you confidence in choosing and in using curriculum, and help you keep the focus where it should be - on the parent/child connection. ✨ .
Much grace is needed as you navigate this new way of life. It took me a few years before I really had a grasp on what I was doing, but I look back and see that God was providing just what my kids and I needed each step of the way. I just kept showing up. He takes our faithful little and makes it enough. {I’m working on a letter to new homeschooling mamas that I’ll post to the blog; this is a snippet} ☺️
