These December days. ✨ While Gavin studies for college finals, and Ellie and Quinn work through Christmas word finds and word scrambles that I printed off, my faithful little helper grabbed her apron, shoved her sleeves back, and climbed on the island to bake alongside me as she always has. (2nd photo was 2 years ago) 😍 .
The mess is multiplied, but as the years go by it grows easier to treasure her curious ways and time connecting over convenience.
If you have little ones and need motivation in this department, I highly recommend the book, Heaven On Earth. It inspired me to say yes more to the mess and nurture the wonder of childhood. “Three factors in the early learning environment were required to produce competency in adulthood. First, a rich sensory environment was necessary, both indoors and out; second, free exploratory movement was vital; and third, a parent was available for interaction when questions arose.” Sharifa Oppenheimer
{announcement coming this evening} 😊
Lately I’ve been tempted to lock myself away so I can write all day. I don’t have all the answers, but I deeply long for the burned out mamas who feel powerless, who believe that peace, honor, and connection (not perfection) in their homes is out of reach to know the truth. ✨
Their kids are NOT naturally more difficult than everyone else’s. ✨
Healthy, firm, and consistent boundaries don’t severe connection, but actually aid in and nurture it. ✨
They are far more capable to love deeply and lead wisely than they believe. ✨
If they’re simply parenting based on how they feel, they are most likely merely parenting according to the latest cultural trend. ✨
Gleaning wisdom from wholehearted mamas who have gone before, educating themselves in the Word and in wholesome parenting books little by little, and leaning on the Holy Spirit will be a game-changing lifeline. ✨ {My girl. Willow’s fiercely affectionate kisses and ways are a highlight of my days.} 💛 📷: @marykaitlinartistry
I was reminded of The Barn Chronicles while suggesting books to a friend this morning, and thought I’d share it with you in case someone on your Christmas list would love them. .
It’s the modern day true story of a ‘pioneering’ family with 6 kids in New Zealand. I read this series of 4 books aloud to the kids and we thoroughly enjoyed following along their adventures as they lived and homeschooled in a 90 year old barn, while building their home themselves. They endure a ‘hundred year’ storm in that barn, canoe and swim in their river, make huts, experience the challenges and joys in growing a collection of animals, explore their own Narnia. We read these just as we were living in our tiny house while building onto ours, and growing our own little farm. But, whether you’re an apartment or country dweller, I believe your family will enjoy the Boom family’s adventures. . {not sponsored; just loved} 😄
{real talk on traditions} This mama is depleted. I’m taking time to slow down, and look at all I can simplify. I long for my kids to see a dancing heart in their mama. Sometimes it doesn’t matter how intentional you are regarding simplicity, there will be whirlwind seasons. Over here it’s been a swirl of college/scholarship applications with Gavin, hosting precious people, and preparing for something big in 2020. (I’ll share soon 😉). .
I’m exhaling as I am reminded that we can’t do it all. I’m taking notes on what holiday activities we truly long to do, and what can wait another year. Writing things out always takes the weight off me. .
Some traditions connect us, add meaning to our holiday, and everyone anticipates them each year. Then you can have the once-every-few-years traditions that you engage in when you have the capacity for it. .
With all the pressure to create traditions and experience it all, I grew dizzy until this sank in. .
No guilt. No guilt if we don’t decorate sugar cookies because we know we’ll always do our Christmas Eve gingerbread houses. Some years we may have the margin for both. Some years we won’t. That’s OK. .
I love how Cindy Rollins once said, “Inspect what you expect.” I don’t think there’s a better time of year to put this into practice. ❤️🎄
Another year to snuggle up and enjoy one of these each morning. ❤️🎄 Ellie and I wrapped up each of our Christmas books this weekend, and we talked about how we’re excited to see Willow’s face as she or Quinn unwrap one each day. It’s a simple tradition we started 8 years ago with just a few books, and we’ve slowly added to our collection over the years.
I buy a new one each year which adds to the excitement of unwrapping one each day. 🎄
And for a simple and rich Advent reading that leads to meaningful discussion, we read from Ann Voskamp’s, Unwrapping the Greatest Gift, A Family Celebration of Christmas each evening. 🎄
Some of our beloved Christmas books: Christmas Day in the Morning, The Christmas Miracle of Jonathon Toomey, The Magical Christmas Horse, A Prairie Christmas, Nonna Tell Me a Story, The Legend of the Candy Cane, The Legend of the Christmas Tree, The Night Before Christmas. 🎄
Please tell me your favorites! I am looking for one to order this week. 😁 . {I took the week off from this space last week to celebrate Thanksgiving with the family, but have missed you all and look forward to catching up} ❤️
Willow is naturally independent, spunky, and can certainly be defiant, but it’s beautiful to see how her impulse control is being strengthened as she learns to trust the boundaries. .
Rather than continually giving her commands at ages 3 or 4 such as, “Put away your toys,” or, “Make your bed,” I tell her that once she puts her toys away, she can have her snack, or that once she’s made her bed and brushed her teeth, then she can start ‘school.’ (This is effective as she is always eager to jump on her preschool activities). Sure, there are times in which she has to learn to simply follow a command, such as when it’s time to get dressed and put on her shoes to go to church, but at this age moving in close and giving these firm, but gentle if/then statements when possible strengthens her sense of accomplishment and ability to choose well. .
I’m not suggesting we give a child a chocolate each time we would like them to do something (!), but just to pay attention to those activities that naturally occur in a child’s everyday that they enjoy, and have them tackle the harder (age appropriate!) tasks beforehand. This helps to prevent unnecessary meltdowns and discipline. As they grow in this, they grow in their capacity to listen and obey directions. 🍁
Sometimes we just need to hear that it is enough. “We don’t have to aim for spectacular natural settings. How satisfying it is for a child to know a place - however modest - and to know it deeply. To explore it repeatedly, to know it in all of its seasonal faces, to identify one’s own favorite little spots and crevices in it.” //Kim John Payne, Simplicity Parenting .
In order for us to focus time and money this year on completing our house, we haven’t traveled to grand places, nor have we spent weekends camping, kayaking, or even hiking, as much as we crave it. We’re hundreds of miles from beaches or mountains and even far from state parks, but God has parked us right here amongst the oaks and rolling hills where we’ve observed birds building their nests along our trails, saved baby rabbits from snakes, discovered abandoned coyote dens, roasted marshmallows over our backyard campfire, and watched our trees transform with each season. And it is enough. 🍁 . {instead of our regular morning lessons, we spent the morning under the fiery blaze of autumn on this gorgeous day, and then treated ourselves to chocolates in the playhouse. it was a celebrate autumn kind of day}
Willow has quite the discerning taste in clothing, but her shoe choice. 🤔😂. Oh, but I love her every fiber. .
Since I received messages from so many of you regarding my last post - learning to simplify and give yourself grace - I wanted to continue the conversation. As I shared, high ideals are wonderful unless they enslave you.
I’m in no way promoting laziness or apathy and I truly believe we need to continually grow in strength of character, but with the onslaught of messages today regarding all things organic and homemade and crafty and perfect, etc, it’s vital that we see our unique limits in each season -without shame- and then set our expectations. .
Otherwise we can easily allow shame to consume us if we feel we can’t measure up, or we may adopt an all-or-nothing philosophy. This mentality shouts that if we can’t bake scones from scratch and we ran out of our salted caramel tea, then we can’t do a poetry tea time. This mentality forgets that store bought maple cookies and milk can also make for an enchanting poetry and story read. If we can’t afford to whisk a child away for one-on-one talks at a diner, this mentality says one-on-one time isn’t possible, rather than considering apple cider on the back porch as another option. .
A big fat yes to being inspired and challenged by others, but guard against unreasonable thoughts of defeat that can easily creep in.
Be free to be who God created you to be. ✨
That’s who the world needs.
What I wish I had grasped long ago: there’s wisdom in being aware of what season of life you’re in, and giving yourself grace accordingly.
In those times when life is more demanding, it is not only okay, but wise to stock up on frozen meals and paper plates and call Wild Kratts science class. Remember that your kids will truly be alright after weeks of starting their days with instant oatmeal. Even indulging in pre-shredded cheese takes a weight off me at these times! High ideals are wonderful, unless they enslave you. .
From the end of October through mid November it’s our ‘birthday season.’ Dan and both boys, plus my sister and parents have birthdays within 3 weeks, so I’m hosting multiple celebrations. If we don’t take some time off of school during this time and keep life as simple and manageable as possible, then I’m drained to the bone and everyone feels the overwhelm. But with some guilt-free lightening of the load during these times, life and rest still has a chance. How do you simplify life in the demanding times? . {and I hold on to pumpkins through Thanksgiving. They’re my favorite. 🍁}
How Quinn calculates his math problems. 😆 .
I’ve been thinking on the necessity of honor in our family, how we’ve learned that we can’t maintain a true connection to each other’s hearts without it. If respect is not required, the child learns we aren’t worth respecting.
It looks like asking Willow to repeat her request in a respectful manner because rude demands or whiny requests are ignored here.
It looks like asking the kids to rehearse a kinder way to respond to a sibling.
It looks like stating how we’ve wronged each other and asking for forgiveness.
The interesting thing is that we’ve seen this gentle, but firm training deepen our connections as honor toward each other is established. It’s a form of guarding their hearts. . “Considering core family values might seem like a lofty inquiry, but in truth it is quite simple. A good place to start is with one or two key values such as respect or empathy. Because every time a child is disrespectful to you or a sibling or someone outside the family you can hold that up as an affront to your highest core value and return to that value again and again. Not just when the behavior is extremely disrespectful, but even when it’s just beginning to head off the rails. The saying, “Don’t sweat the small stuff,” does not apply in parenting. Parenting is all about calmly and firmly noticing and acting on the small stuff. While no one is suggesting we become neurotic nags, we must plant disciplinary seeds because from little things big things grow. When a child steps over the line, departing from one of these key family values, it’s so important that we guide them back.” //Kim John Payne, The Soul of Discipline
E I G H T E E N 🎉 It’s just as they say. We arrived here faster than I ever imagined. It’s consumed my thoughts all week - how all we can take with us from a childhood is time together. It lives on in our hearts, and I wish there had been more days with this on the forefront of my mind. More days that I sat and played rather than hurried him along. How deeply grateful I am though, that we do have a history of bike rides and walks just the two of us, of a million talks and laughs and books shared. I don’t look back wishing I had signed him up for another activity.. just that I had taken even more time. .
Witnessing you grow into the confident, God-loving, people-cherishing, hard working, knowledge-seeking, affectionate son and brother that you are has been my great, overwhelming joy @gavin.k.mcintosh My magnum opus. ✨ Happy 18th 🎉
Fall Harvest Party 🍁🍂 I don’t know that I’m ever happier than when I see children swing from our trees, ‘cook’ in the playhouse, and run through our forest trails all while the moms connect with other moms. My heart in starting this { @wildandfree.co } homeschool group is just as much for the moms as the kids. How we need the encouragement of each other, to know we’re in this together. . “Girls can rival each other, but real women revive each other. Girls can impale each other, but real women empower each other. Girls can compare each other, but real women champion each other and we are all made to be ground breakers and peace makers and freedom shakers.” //Ann Voskamp
Quinn is the one God used to open my eyes to the fact that there is no one-size-fits-all parenting. What worked for Gavin and Ellie did not for my eccentric, there-is-no-box-to-begin-with child. I was pushed beyond formulaic parenting to tuning all eyes and ears to what was really going on and leaning into the Holy Spirit (desperately at times) for direction. (More about that soon). ☺️ .
11 years ago this tender-hearted, affectionate, playful, artistically gifted, adventurous, (often absent-minded 😄), ukulele playing boy came into the world. 🎉The one I deeply thank God for every single day. Dan had scheduled a vasectomy, then had to cancel it as he got the flu, and the next month we learned that Quinn was on the way. After the initial shock, we were elated! He’s changed our mind about many things. What an indescribable joy he is to our every day. .
We celebrated him amongst friends and family with a treasure hunt to his new bike, a hayride, potato sack and wheelbarrow races for the boys and dads. .
And Gavin’s 18th (!) birthday is coming up Friday, so we’re taking this week off school to celebrate my boys, prep for another party, and revel in this gorgeous Fall weather. 🍁🍂 Hope you’re fully enjoying it too.
We’ve been living in our pajamas longer and doing all we can by the fire on these icy, cozy mornings. These are some of the moments I long for them to remember most. The simple ones, discussing what it truly would be like to live out winter inside an old hemlock tree, with a clay-made fireplace and a falcon for company as we continue reading in My Side of the Mountain. .
If you’re like us, you can’t get away to the mountains, waterfalls, or beaches as often as you’d like, but isn’t it reassuring to know that the simple memories of pancakes on Saturday mornings, books by the fire, tossing frisbees in the backyard, baking pumpkin muffins together, will hold as much treasure in their minds as our mountain top memories hiking and exploring far off places? It’s during these simple times the thought repeats itself in my head: no place on earth I’d rather be. I believe they feel it too. 🍁
“I have never met a genuinely disobedient child or teen. What I have encountered are myriad disoriented kids. When we do not provide our children with well-defined boundaries, they react by being difficult and defiant. They feel unsafe and unsettled, and we become frustrated and confused. Inevitably, our children sense our disorientation, which increases theirs, and a truly unhealthy, self-perpetuating cycle is activated.” //Kim John Payne, The Soul of Discipline .
Many of us were raised by the rigid, disconnected, dictator type of parents and so the tendency today is to take things to the other extreme, giving children an abundance of freedom and choices early on, yet this does just as much damage. Parents feel helpless and handicapped. Children agitated, unsettled. .
I love how Payne labeled the different stages of parenting: first we are the governor, then the gardener, then the guide in the teen years. But before we can move on to gardener or guide, who we are as the loving authority has to be established, honor and trust established. I think parents often feel helpless as they don’t understand how to live into their role as a confident, calm (because you know the boundaries speak for themselves), gentle and firm parent. My heart is bursting to share more on this topic (what healthy boundaries can look like, and so on) so this may be a theme for a while. 😄 . {my heart also burst when I saw Gavin had joined Quinn up in ‘his tree’} 😍
After the younger ones are in bed, we’re slowly making our way through this gem with the teens.
It births rich discussion about God’s character, how God listens and responds to a billion folks, why pride is the most dangerous sin, why this thing called the Gospel makes the most sense. .
My Bible teacher assigned this book for us to read my senior year. He had been an atheist until he stumbled upon it. I was already at a point in my life in which I had experienced God, and needed no proof, but God did use the insights from this book to propel me into meaningful conversations with several unbelievers over the years. .
The quotes in this book are worth slowly absorbing and returning to.. here’s one out of many of my favorites:
“The real problem of the Christian life comes where people do not usually look for it. It comes the very moment you wake up each morning. All your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals. And the first job each morning consists simply in shoving them all back; in listening to that other voice, taking that other point of view, letting that other larger, stronger, quieter life come flowing in. And so on, all day.”
There can be a tendency to only reveal a finished work online.. finished home projects and not the sweat and mess, the delight of a baby and not the struggle with fertility, etc. And then it’s easy to feel you’re one of the very few with any kind of a struggle. .
Swipe over to see the current state of my living room. 😆 And there’s so much more work to be done here: my bathroom and the mud room are still awaiting walls, and the list goes on. But we know how to live grateful as each step is complete. We lived here many years before we could add on to the house, homeschooling 3 kids in a small 2 bedroom, 1 bath home. I had to stuff our books and school supplies in sections of my kitchen cabinets! My coffee table was constantly covered in legos as spaces to play were so limited. But you know what? The tight space inside propelled us to explore the acreage around us and ingrained the habit of nature into our everyday. Those times gathered around our table in our small dining room were just as sweet as the times in our new school room. And so very cozy. .
I just wanted to throw that out there in case you feel you can’t parent or homeschool successfully without ample space, or finished projects, and to remember that whether you see it or not, there’s a struggle in every story. I’m not labeling every pretty scene online as fake as the cynic does; I believe there’s abundant beauty and goodness in reality. It’s all around us. But whether it’s a struggle with fertility, in marriage, health, a house you’d rather not live in, financial issues, parenting, or self worth, remember you’re not alone in the struggle, and there is goodness to be found in each season of life. 🍂
Spent the weekend adventuring and playing with treasured friends. When Anna told me many years ago that they were moving 4 hours away, I burst into tears and cried for days. Not only did I adore her, and in her had finally found a true kindred spirit in my motherhood journey, but my 3 big kids all had an honest to God, deep-hearted best friend within their family! But you hold on to friends like that, and after all these years we’re still spending days together every 2-3 months. .
Every mama needs a partner in motherhood, a like-minded sister that inspires, strengthens, and encourages, that she can talk to about anything. Thank you for continually being mine @thecullins 😘 .
Check out my stories for glimpses into our family’s jam sessions! And note my accidental twin men in photo 8! Hats, shoes, and all. 😆
“It is easy to forget that teaching is holy work. The building up of the intellect - teaching children to really think - does not happen by the might of human reason, but rather by the grace of God. On an ordinary day, you and I likely have a set of tasks we’ve scheduled for our kids. But it’s more than math. It’s more than history. It is the building up of our children’s minds and hearts, and we can only do that if we realize that this is how we thank Him for the graces He so lavishly pours upon us. .
I tend to get lost in the details of large family life when I’m right in the midst of it. It takes a certain fortitude, after all, to look at a pile of dishes and see it as the makings of a cathedral. The daily mundane is holy ground because the ordinary tasks of a monotonous Monday are where we meet our Maker.” //Sarah Mackenzie, Teaching From Rest .
Deserves a repeat: “The daily mundane is holy ground because the ordinary tasks of a monotonous Monday are where we meet our Maker.” 🙌 He is right there as you lavish kisses upon your littles, encourage a child, wade through the laundry. And it is holy work.
