It is sometimes difficult to believe it ourselves. But a gift has been promised to us from God, one that Dan and I have prayed for 5 long years now, to come this Spring.
There’s been countless tear-stained prayers uttered from my lips for this. I’ve seen this gift given to others around me and have had to swallow the bittersweet, truly joyful for them while my ache deepened. The vastly empty ache, the disappointments, the losses.
Then, January 17th, we are listening. And Dan can hardly swallow what he hears. God speaks clearly and boldly. This Spring.
I gasp. Then tears of relief flow as His love wraps around me.
We had come so close. Up to the edge of letting go of hope.
Over the next several days I (at that point overflowing with hope) contact many close friends and family, sharing the promise with them. How sweet it’s been to have friends praying and hoping alongside us.
Trusting in God’s timing is possibly the hardest thing I’ve ever practiced. I was going to say ‘hardest thing I’ve ever learned, but that would imply I have become more proficient in this dance of trusting than I truly have. How I love to rest in knowing God’s got this, but I have faltered often.
When I let go of how I believe it should be, and rest in His plan, oh the freedom, the calm that envelops me.
How do you believe a promise when the circumstances shout the opposite to be true?
I look back. And I don’t have to look far.. when I had the fear-inducing pain in my appendix region for weeks and we prayed and God told Dan it would continue until Saturday night (it was Thursday) and then stop. That I wouldn’t need to go to the doctor. Then that’s exactly what happened.
When Gavin’s leg was injured and he couldn’t walk for weeks, all signs pointed toward a fracture but God was whispering that he was fine. That just so happened to be during the month his insurance lapsed. So we desperately prayed about what to do. He continued to tell Dan that his leg would recover, that there was no need to see a doctor. Weeks more and he could still hardly walk on it. Others told us we were putting his leg at risk. We finally took him just to get an x-ray at the chiropractor and sure enough, the bone was fine. Another week went by and his leg was completely healed. And we felt relief as we never had before.
Even our house reminds me. It was the house and land we longed for, and God had told Dan it was going to be ours. But there was a contract on it already, and it was hopeless according to the realtor. She tried to no avail to interest us in other houses. Then Dan boldly told her (with the nudging of his wife) that we needed to relentlessly pursue this house as God said it’s the one for us! So (with a big sigh, no doubt) she looked deeper into it. After a couple months of drama, and for the most part things appearing against us purchasing the house, we signed the papers on what happened to be my 32nd birthday.
Then there was the time God told Dan he was going to be chosen for the principal position at his school mere weeks before he was promoted, though he was less experienced than others.
And since the very 1st of this year I’ve heard it whispered to me repeatedly, “This is the year of change.”
So here we are again. The time is drawing near. Do we dare believe it?
Today the circumstances don’t look good. 5 years we’ve been praying for this.
But God speaks. And that is more than all we see. That is more than we feel. It is everything.