As the fabulous Sally Clarkson said, “a quarantine is no time for a diet!” I’ve been determined that they remember this time as a season in which we celebrated life. I filled the freezer with far too much ice cream, loosened the reigns a bit on screen time, minimized our school load to make more time for outside play, started a new read aloud over dinner (The Endurance - a survival drama seems fitting); Ellie and I are baking all the goods and wearing rosy lipstick (!), we’re planning a movie marathon day, and we’re making sure that worship and the Word have far more time in our home than the news. .
It hasn’t been as easy on our teens as the rest of us. Ellie has missed her weekly Book Club and the movie-making days we were to host. Gavin misses his time long boarding with his buds. We all miss our church family. But they’ve been troopers. Ellie has spent days baking cakes and watching YouTube cake-decorating tutorials, and sharing her creations with the neighbors. ☺️🎂. Gavin has been working hard, doing yard work for neighbors and helping my parents, FaceTiming his friends when he can.
Dan and I introduced Gavin and Ellie to Downton (only recommend for the mature 14 year old and up) and we’ve been thoroughly enjoying our discussions on the role of virtue among the characters and the history of that time. How fascinating and inspiring it is. .
And how surreal this time is - a spot in their youth that they’ll always remember. I hope they remember that we chose celebration, worship to combat uncertainty, and dancing hearts.
And that’s a wrap!! 🎉 I’ve poured my heart into these talks over the last few months and they will go live online this week! You’re all invited to join me as I share my heart in regards to connecting to our children, and on living free from hurry - how God has led us to create a unique family culture. I discuss things we’ve learned the hard way, how we handle screens, what has surprised us, vital aspects of holding their hearts, and more. .
I hope you can find a comfy spot, a coffee, and join me for both. Link to sign up is in my profile!
xoxo
A few tips on training in contentment that have made all the difference here. 😊
First off, isn’t parenting terribly and wonderfully sanctifying?! We’ve had to come to terms with the fact that we as parents set the atmosphere- whether it’s one of gratitude in all circumstances or whether we speak out of a whiny, victim mentality.
Years ago we saw a rapid rise in negativity in our kids and when I sought the Lord for help, my eyes were opened to all the negativity Dan and I had spewed during that election season. 😳🤭 So, first step regarding happy kids is of course parents that express gratitude. (We all mess up here. Give yourself grace. Apologize. Renew your perspective and move on)! .
In our home, from the early years, if a child says something in a whiny tone, they have to repeat in a nicer manner before it’s considered. They learn they are not victims and that whining doesn’t pay. Of course we give grace when they’re overtired or overwhelmed and pay attention to when it may signal that the child is not receiving the love from mama they need, but we don’t allow it to become habit. .
In older children, a victim mentality looks like complaining. We listen. Empathize. We ask them to share with us what they’re thankful for in that situation. If we allow whining or complaining to take root as a habit, then they will grow with a victim mentality. We often tell our kids, “You are and always will be victors rather than victims.” I’d love to hear: What are ways that you have discouraged whining in your home?
We’ve spent days outside. We’ve all needed this. All of nature proclaims that He hasn’t changed. Love is here and will always be.
A month ago we took some time to read about Isaac Newton’s life. We learned that as the great plague spread, the university he worked at was closed; he was quarantined back to life in the English countryside. It all sounded so otherworldly.
And here we are.
We’ve been reminding ourselves and the kids of the ways God has miraculously taken care of us over the years, how His promises of provision don’t fluctuate with the economy. How we had nothing but the promise of a teacher’s aide job when we first moved to the country 10 years ago, but we knew God was saying, “Go for it!” We lived in a mobile home on our friends’ land that first year. It was one of the sweetest years of our lives.
And then promotions, followed by our own acreage and business - we had only to follow as He laid out each step. Gavin and I were both healed of health issues that doctors told us we could never be healed from. The list goes on of the ways He moves in our lives.
When we discuss these things, (and celebratory food doesn’t hurt 😁🍰) our perspective is renewed. So it’s been a week of baking all the carbs and walks and praising. ✨
We may not be certain of what the future will look like, but we can be certain of His presence in it, His goodness meeting us there, and that it’s He who holds it.
I’m jumping in on @sarahwanders writing prompt and sharing a bit about myself. ✨
I’m fiercely passionate about doing all I can to instill the courage in mamas to disregard the messages of society and tune in to God’s guidance in creating their unique family culture. He has led us to live differently, and it has been a deeply fulfilling walk. ✨
So many believe the lie that they cannot hold on to their child’s heart through adulthood. Some believe the lie that other’s children are just easier. Countless mamas have given up and live their lives through screens, shutting their children off.
As long as I live I’ll share our experiences regarding holding our children’s and teens’ hearts, and shout it from the rooftops - there is Hope! ✨
I experienced years of childhood trauma and have learned how God can knit even the deepest wounds. For years I had to battle to find joy, but I learned gratitude is an unstoppable force, and one that can truly become our default. ✨
My heart is for genuine engagement here. I have a difficult time with constant giveaways and have had to turn down several folks who have asked me if I would be a part of their ‘support group’ on Instagram - where one comments and likes others’ posts because they are doing the same for them. I don’t mean to offend, but it must be clear - if I’m engaging with your feed, it’s because I genuinely feel led to. Never with the motive to be ‘paid back’ in return. I long for true support, love, and connection here. I’ve experienced it through so many of you. And I’m so thankful. ✨
I’ll be graduating my first child in a couple months and celebrating 20 years of marriage this summer. 🎉 I nearly ended our marriage early on, and am so undeniably grateful that God had me even then, and turned the tide. Our relationship is a testimony of the way in which our great God does exceedingly abundantly above all we could have asked or imagined. ✨
I’d love to hear from you - what has God done in your life? xoxo
#kellsfellowship
{confession 👇😁} Lately Willow has requested that she make my bed each morning.. I tug at the bedding and she does the rest. Books are always a part of her ‘bedding’. I feel loved. 😄😍📚 ✨
I didn’t make my bed until I hit my thirties- I only began as I saw the value in requiring the kids to make theirs! And just as they say- I was astonished at how it affected us. It meant starting the day with a dose of peace, order, and accomplishment- even if the rest of the house was chaotic. A refuge of beauty. ✨
Many of you are aware of the daily rhythm and chore systems we’ve had in place. But trust me - I’m not a highly disciplined person by nature. However, once I experienced the difference from simply making our beds, I was motivated to give a morning routine a go.
I had wrestled with the idea of a rhythm to our days for years. It made all the sense in the world. I wouldn’t have to constantly figure out what was best for us all to be doing in each moment! The kids would be more content if they knew what to expect.
When I first implemented a routine it was a disaster as I tried to follow the clock. I felt a continual failure. But when I let go of the time, made the routine breathable, and arranged it so that the harder parts of our day were followed by life-giving activities, it had the same affect on our lives that making our beds did. So much peace in the order and predictability! Significantly less whining when it was math time - they knew it was just what was done at that time. A massive weight lifted as I didn’t have to constantly gauge what to do when, and if we were hitting our priorities. ✨
I want you to know this: it’s not my self discipline that has kept our rhythm in place, but rather enthusiastic motivation upon seeing what has worked for us! .
I had to take one step before the motivation came for another.
If you long for a healthy rhythm in your home, don’t attempt to change all at once, but take one habit at a time, and give it a go. You are more capable than you know. 👊 {rhythm on the blog)
#kellsfellowship
Despite the chaos swirling in the world, all is green and blossoming out these windows. Life goes on - it bursts forth - God Himself beckoning us to drop our worries and play in that Spring sunshine, and remember that He is here. 🙌 .
I thought I would be packing my bags today and preparing for the 8 hour drive to speak at the Teach Them Diligently conference, and then the next weekend I was to also speak a couple hours away in Waco.
I was looking so forward to connecting with several of you in person, and now find myself preparing to video these speeches from home. But the bright side- Teach Them Diligently is preparing the largest online homeschool conference the world has ever seen! All of our messages will be available for the masses in April; no one is limited by geography! (Link to register coming very soon)
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God willing, I will still be speaking in Denver at the end of May. We plan our days, but it is God who directs our steps as Proverbs 16:1 says. I don’t think there’s been a time in which that was clearer. 😁 {chalkboard design by Ellie} 🌼
I’ve heard from several mamas who are very worried about their kids missing their friends, now that they are suddenly homeschooling. No doubt, sweet friends are one of life’s greatest treasures. But we must understand this: connections to friends do not meet our child’s deepest needs. It is actually attachment to us that meets these needs. .
What if you seized this unexpected time with your child? Pizza parties, unloading the dishwasher together to their favorite song, researching their current interest alongside them, baking and cake decorating and listening to their thoughts. I know there will be bumps as you both adjust, but what a gift time together can be. .
In our culture it’s become the norm for children to hold stronger connections to their friends than their parents. We must remember that children are most influenced by those they’re most attached to. They will value what they value. .
As a new parent I believed Gavin needed to be around friends continually. But over time we began to see that we were losing his heart. Our eyes were opened to the direction we were heading. We made a shift at the time he was 8. Friends were still a part of his life, but not near as much as family. We faced resistance initially, but as we took the initiative to spend time with him, listening and supporting his interests, he stopped speaking of friends obsessively. He became content.
Today Quinn (3rd child) enthusiastically invited me to follow him back into our forest and instructed me to look up. A circle of elm trees had just unfurled their lime leaves and were swaying gently. “I knew you’d want to see this Mom.” Then he took me to his tree where the burgundy buds had sprouted, his wonder contagious. I was overwhelmed with gratitude- I get to experience this with him.
And right now so much of the world gets to do the same. I’m not making light of this virus, and we’ve been actively praying for those suffering, but there’s memories and connections to be made now that could absolutely alter the course of our children’s lives.
What if we all made it count? . (For more information on this subject I highly recommend the book Hold On To Your Kids).
The recent events have been a reminder for me of the vast importance of choosing joy, of tuning into what the Father is saying far more than any news. There’s not a shadow that can cross my face without the kids picking up on it. They need to see that mom and dad are filled with the confidence that God has got this. We’ve been discussing with the kids how we believe God wants to unite us all around the world as we battle this common enemy (I’m reminded of the movie Independence Day 😄), and how He will unite parents with their children through this. God is doing a mighty work through it all. I find such joy and relief knowing this.
So, Dan and I decided we’d do what we could to make quarantining a celebration amidst tiling floors and the laundry mountain.
We’ve baked cookies, a big strawberry cake, and chili’s alongside the Great British Baking Show as the rain fell. We had our own church service, listened to more Narnia (from ‘Grandpa’ on YouTube - details in stories), made a ridiculous film or two because laughter is a priority (also in my stories 🤣), and with more rain on the way, we’re planning on playing Ticket to Ride this evening. .
As we look at a rainy week ahead, I want to hear how you and yours are passing the time together. Fresh inspiration, anyone? 😁😘
“I find that in the absence of a clear enough vision for their children and homes, mothers replace conviction with lots of activities and distractions for their children.” //Sally Clarkson .
11 years ago we were living like many around us; we signed Gavin up for every sport and activity that sounded appealing, dragging the younger kids along. Decisions were mindlessly made. There was an emptiness in all the busyness, a hurt in the hurry. .
Dan was the first to question the way we were living, but at a time in which the over-scheduled life is the accepted norm, a simpler life felt scandalous to me. Life wasn’t necessarily bad, but we were not deeply connected as a couple, nor in tune with our children’s hearts, nor grounded with purpose. .
God began to show us that our children’s time was not something to fill up, but to protect. This did not mean saying no to all activities, but to pause and evaluate the costs and primarily bring it to the Lord together -tuning into His guidance. .
All that we’ve turned down over the years per God’s leading led to expansive freedom, never guilt.
It hasn’t been a life without challenge, and of course not perfect, but it has been a life in which we’ve had the time to maintain deep ties as a family, tend to each child’s heart, get to the root of bickering or any disrespect, pass on values; time for each child to dream their dreams and tune into their interests, to solidify relationships through continual play together, all in an atmosphere free from rush. .
You will have little regret as you take the time to seek God as to what your family life is to look like, and make those courageous decisions. I’m rooting for you. ✨ . 📷: @benandkellyphotography - in those years that Ellie lived in her prairie dresses 💛
Lately we’ve been bringing history reading outside. 🌾 Where better to learn about the courage of Martin Luther or the countless obstacles in the world-altering invention of the printing press than in the Spring breeze? .
It continually amazes me - what a gift it is to learn alongside them on our own timetable, and in the way that is suited to their abilities. Homeschooling is not the martyr life, nor is it an easy one. But I get to nurture their hearts and habits, and can’t fathom a better use of my time. .
I truly believe that if God has put it on your heart to homeschool, He will move mountains to provide a way. It required Dan and I to take steps of faith when we did not see a way that it was financially possible, and every time - after stepping out and obeying - the provision came. 11 years ago when I first felt Him leading me to homeschool and quit my part-time job, we didn’t know how we’d make it, but I put in my notice anyway. Later that very week Dan was given such a raise -out of the blue- that kept our income where it was when I was working. And that’s just 1 of a 100 stories of His surprising provision as He led us to move onto this land and double the size of our house without debt. But that’s a story for another day. 😊🙌 And I believe this wholeheartedly - if God did it for us, He will make a way for you as you step out in faith. . {if God made a way, when you didn’t see a way, for you to homeschool as well, please share here so others can be encouraged)
Many parents, possibly due to their own negative experience with authority, view exercising authority as a power-hungry act rather than a gentle, yet firm act of love, protection and connection. Others focus merely on behavior, ignoring their children’s hearts. It’s easy to slip into one extreme or the other. I’ve parented in both camps. .
A lack of boundaries and heartfelt discipline is a common theme. Parents feel helpless while their children are frustrated, disrespectful, and entitled. .
Kim John Payne wrote that, “The current parenting trend, which assumes that a young child has the emotional and decision-making capacities of an adult, is misguided. When a child is given too many choices, serious behavioral problems result.” .
The pressure of too many choices overwhelm and upset them. It’s a weight they weren’t meant to carry. It also makes it difficult for them to submit to authority- all the choices they have make it clear: they are the ones in charge. This does not mean they have no options, but as they grow and mature, their options slowly grow. .
We mistakenly think we’re being kind by allowing a 5 year old to choose where they will sit, what bowl they’ll eat out of, what they want to eat and drink, what they will be doing next. In actuality we are burdening them. They feel unsafe. .
Children need our unconditional love, guidance, encouragement, and boundaries.
They feel secure, rather than restrained, within healthy boundaries. Tantrums are no longer a constant event. The child develops inner flexibility and feels safe and secure. ✨ {more to come on the topic of holding our children’s hearts as I’m writing speeches on this topic. tag a friend who may be interested}
I awoke in the middle of the night to the darkness of my own thoughts. Ways in which I could have loved better-ways in which I had missed an opportunity flooded my mind. .
A quote I copied in my journal years ago came back to me, and God’s reassuring presence with it. “Our yesterday’s present irreparable things to us; it is true we have lost opportunities that will never return, but God can transform this destructive anxiety into a constructive thoughtfulness for the future. Let the past sleep, but let it sleep on the bosom of Christ.” -Oswald Chambers .
Did you hear it? When we release our “destructive anxiety” to Him, He exchanges it for “constructive thoughtfulness for the future” - waking us up to the ways we are loving wholeheartedly, reminding us that He sees those moments and is radiantly pleased. Then He empowers us to move forward, energized in His love and pleasure, with eyes wide open to not only seize opportunities to love deeply, but to create them. . 📷: @marykaitlinartistry
We found this gentle grandfatherly man who reads all of the Narnia books on YouTube with his whole heart, and he’s been taking us on the adventures for months now. Reading to my kids is one of my favorites, but I thought we’d shake things up a bit. He has become such a comforting, familiar presence that we call him Grandpa. 😄🥰 {YouTube: Reach More Now} .
Why bother reading aloud? Did you know that when you watch TV, your brain reacts as though you’re observing someone else’s life, but when you’re reading, it reacts as though you’re in the story? It’s why we talk about the Ingall’s’ adventures on the prairie playing with pig bladders and barely surviving blizzards almost like we were there braving it together. .
Sarah Mackenzie said it so well. “ I read aloud to my kids because I know that my years with them are short. Because I long for a deep, soulful, real connection with each of them. When my head hits the pillow each night I want to know that I have done the one most important thing: I have fostered warm, happy memories and created lifelong bonds with my kids – even when the rest of life feels hard. These are moments will never regret. Even better, these are moments our kids will treasure for the rest of their lives.”
It’s been over 3 weeks since I tapped on this little app - I needed to take some time to write with minimal voices in my head.
With the help of my mom and a dear friend, the kids were away for days while I scribbled away about the challenges and lessons we’ve learned over the years in holding our children’s hearts, and in the evenings Dan and I enjoyed long talks and binge watching Downton. 😁🇬🇧 .
Often I would think of so many of you and the impact you’ve made on my life - even many of you whom I’ve yet to meet face to face. (Holding my focus was quite the battle as I sat to write). Funny how an app can connect the world.
I’m looking forward to hearing your hearts once again, and to sharing what has been stirring in mine in regards to keeping our children’s hearts. Boundaries, intentional living, nurturing their hearts, heartfelt discipline. . {If any of you can make it to the Teach Them Diligently conferences this year, I’d love to see you. I’ll be speaking in Rogers, Waco, and Denver. Link in profile to register}. and oh the contrast between what I wear at home and what Willow wears .. 😆
I’ve been scribbling out the important aspects of keeping our children’s hearts as I prepare to speak this Spring: time with each child, healthy boundaries and heartfelt discipline for the different ages, teaching them the ways of God, filling them with inspiring stories and that which is beautiful, and also pondering mistakes we’ve made and what we’re still learning. {May we always be learning}
I’m eager to share here on the practical aspects of these things and on my blog, (as well as finishing a letter to new homeschoolers), but I’m realizing I’ll be battling mid-level anxiety continually if I don’t take time off to prepare and practice these speeches first. 😬😁 So, I’m signing off here for 2-3 weeks and look forward to reconnecting with you.
And I’ll say it again.. I so appreciate prayers. I never would have pursued this on my own, but God has made it clear that this invitation is something for me to embrace, heart and soul. So here I go... 😁💛🙏
We just returned from days down in southeast Texas, on my aunt’s and cousin’s land - what has always been heaven-kissing-earth to me. A much needed, refreshing get-away. We soaked up every minute with our family down there and our hearts ached to leave them.
This tranquil place was my only exposure to country life as I was growing up, and largely the reason that I decided (at age 4) that I would someday live in the country. I repeatedly told Mom that I too would have a long gravel driveway. And 26 years later, Dan and I moved 100 miles from all we knew and I did get that driveway that crackles to greet us. .
As a teen I wrote poetry about this place that I couldn’t return to often enough. The forest to explore, pines mirrored in their lake, my aunt’s unconditional love and contagious joy, my uncle in his garden, the roar of the 4 wheelers.. it has always been a refuge for me, and what I daydreamed of in those endless hours in classrooms. ✨
Nothing could be sweeter than sharing it with my children so we get down there as often as possible. (Hurray for the flexibility in home education) 🙌What is your place that feels like heaven invading earth?
“The key to a kinder and gentler homeschool is attending to the details we overlook – the coziness of our homes, the principles of natural learning, and the tenderness of our intimate relationships.” //Julie Bogart ✨
One of my biggest surprises in life has been just how much I would enjoy learning with them. There were seasons in which it did seem burdensome, but those were times in which I focused on racing through a curriculum more than our relationships and experience in learning. I’ve learned to value playful learning as much as math lessons and writing. .
We’re playing Michaelangelo over here and drawing on the ‘ceiling.’ Catching up on some projects today, and through all the laughter I’m reminded of how memorable these things are that I once considered unnecessary. .
We don’t make time for every hands-on project our curriculum suggests, but I prioritize all that we reasonably can, because it’s through the use of salt dough maps that geography can come to life, and we still talk about the time we created a little Greek feast (courageously trying artichoke and dates as well as grapes and breads) while cloaked in draped sheets -Caesar style. We will not likely forget our study of Michaelangelo between the Reese’s peanut butter cups and jokes under the table about their drawings that are permanently left there. 😄 What is something memorable your crew has done that will help them remember what they’ve learned and warm their heart for years to come? #thekindkingdom #thepeacefulpress
{trying not to erupt into laughter as we were being goofballs} 😄
God continually calmed me over the years when I didn’t feel like I knew what I was doing as a home educator; I felt I wasn’t enough to educate this crazy intelligent kid, so eager to learn.
And you know what, I wasn’t enough to shape and feed that marvelous soul, BUT God was. He took my willingness to love and train and teach, and even though I messed up and missed it plenty of times (still do), God loved and educated Gavin through Dan and me, and apart from us as well. God even provided experiences that would enrich him when we weren’t looking for them, and blew us away with unexpected opportunities. .
This past week, while the kids were away so I could write, Gavin and I had our meals and breaks together by the fire. It’s a delight to hear his future ambitions, share our struggles, and laugh. I can be so serious, but he always has me laughing.
A young man, imperfect, but who often jumps to empty the dishwasher, surprises his sister with her favorite Starbucks drink, dreams of improving artificial intelligence so that prosthetic limbs could be further advanced, eager to conquer everything computer science and halfway to his bachelor’s degree, loves patiently and prefers deep conversation. .
Yet there were so many times that I struggled to get him to follow through on his chores or be kind to his little brother, or punctuate his sentences (at 15 😬). Once I even made him drive back home as he left without making his bed. 😆 I would often lay awake worrying about his level of responsibility and the various ways I felt I was failing as a mom. .
Mamas... our seemingly endless love and training and educating matter so much more than we get to taste in the present. It’s a powerful investment into a forever soul. ✨
God takes it – our imperfect effort, our willingness - and He works the miracle.
We can rest knowing that. ✨ 📷: @marykaitlinartistry
